Wednesday 14 May 2014

#Once upon a time - The Deep End

Once upon a time .....



The bag was packed. Brush and towel. The purple polka-dot swimsuit, where was it? 'Mummy,' she said, 'I've put my costume on underneath my clothes.' That's my girl; she was so excited, this being her first time, in at the deep end.

Condensation rolls down the windows, steam floats off the pool's surface, like genies, feathered and transparent. I am five years old. There's a strange smell. It thrusts itself up my nostrils, bites both eyes like mardy wasps. We change around the edge of the pool, my clothes piled on a wooden bench. Green pants. I will always remember the green pants.

The teacher was female, stout, and bottle blonde. 'Is this her first time?' she asked. 'Yes,' I said, 'she will wear armbands, right?' It took three attempts stretching the red cap over her head, mouse brown tufts escaping its sides like grass between flagstones. A very charleston look. She followed the teacher with the other children to the edge of the pool; in someone else's hands now.

The teacher has yellow teeth and yellow fingers, she rasps and wheezes and barks out her orders, Mrs Lennox, the hag from the teacher's den. Full of smoke and rotten lungs. I hold the float in my hands. 'KICK. KICK. KICK' she demands. I kick as hard as I can.

On each arm, three orange floats, and in the water her grin was as wide as the seas. Was I feeling the drag of tears? I think so. The teacher mouthed something at me, spinning her finger in ovals. What? I looked towards my daughter chatting with another girl on the poolside step. How had I not noticed? She was wearing her costume the wrong way round. The frills were at the back. Princess wiliness will blame this oversight on me.

Every Friday morning, a trip in a minibus to the local pool. Mrs Lennox, looking more like a cigarette, sits at the front. No one speaks. The pool's surface looks oily. The smell. That smell. And I change in a cold cubicle by the pool side. Inside, at the back of it, is an open drain, where I see plasters and tangled balls of hair. I remember watching the slow crawl of the bald man, his mouth open, his face hanging, slack like a jumper on a washing line.

Four lessons later only two loose floats dangled from each arm. More confident, more liberated, she let go of the teacher's hand. She doggy paddled. She kick, kick, kicked on her back. And smiled and giggled, the water flowing into her open jaw. That week, there was an assistant, a male assistant; she forgets her legs, her head turned towards his face, and she talks and talks and talks at him... Isn't swimming, well, about swimming? Concentrate, you need to concentrate, stop looking at the guy, kick, kick, kick, I thought wryly. I still gave her the thumbs-up. I will always give her the thumbs-up...

I am braver. I have swum with weights. I have swum in pyjamas. I own a bronze medallion. I can do it, I can breast stroke and back crawl; not the butterfly though, no, no, not that, it looks too ungainly, too splashy, too in your face. I body surf. I let waves pull me under, grasping at stones on the sandy floor. I dive and snorkel and feel salt burn as the sun dries the corners of my eyes. Now I prefer the slow lane, don't mind the chlorine so much. Twenty lengths, no more, no less, the effortlessness of a calm relaxing swim.

I feel so lucky and over the moon to have been shortlisted in the Writer Category of the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging Awards (BiBs). If you enjoy my writing, please vote for Older Mum in a Muddle; I would love to be one of the six finalists. Voting ends this Friday, 16th May. I want to thank you all, my readers and friends, for all your support since I began this blog three years ago. X  


Once Upon A Time



42 comments:

  1. Oh what a lovely comparison. It's funny how our minds work, isn't it? Glad Little A is so happy as you learn t o let go on so many levels xx

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    1. Little A loves her swimming lessons, and it's a lovely chance for me to see how independent she's becoming. X

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    1. Thank you very much, that's very kind. X

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  3. Gorgeous, gorgeous post. Totally resonates with me because I HATED swimming as a child. Hated the pool, hated lessons, hated those hairs and plasters that you noticed too (how do people not notice these things, urgh). I've overcome it by swimming in warm seas - the sting of salt is far preferable to the stink of chlorine. But like you I'm accompanying T to the pool now as he learns to swim. Thank goodness for our fearless little people, eh? And good for you as a mother, not passing on your own feelings to little A. xxxx

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    1. Thank you very much lovely. I think learning to swim was a lot worse in the 'olden days'; thinking about all those hairs and yukky stuff still send shivers through me. I love swimming in the sea too, preferably warm though :o) At least Little A is loving her swimming - they teach them so much better these days. X

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  4. So important to learn to swim. I love the water, especially the sea. I'm sure we've all had our swimmers on the wrong way round at some point ;-)

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    1. Couldn't agree more - it's one of life's essential skills; I wanted to get her in the water as soon as I could, and so far, she's loving it :o)

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  5. oh my goodness what a wonderful piece of writing. I am not a confident swimmer at all, my children though are all like fish!

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    1. Thank you very much! I am more confident now but I hope Little A is more confident than me.

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  6. Love the way you have contrasted your experience and hers, so much nicer these days isn't it! Gosh, I remember having to wear pyjamas and rescue a brick, I have never been called to use those skills since thankfully!

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    1. Thank you very much.... and yes, swimming lessons are a lot better these days; were awful in my day. I remember rescuing that brick so well!

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  7. Brilliant comparison! Don't feel too bad about the costume. I only realised when the boy and I got back from a trip to Aldi at the weekend that his jeans were on backwards. Oops.

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    1. Thank you very much! He had his jeans on backwards? *sniggers*. It's very funny when you notice this things...

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  8. It is terrifying handing them over to someone else for something so potentially scary as swimming, especially given your own experiences, but it sounds like she coped brilliantly - even with her swimsuit on the wrong way round!

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    1. She has done ever so well, and is really enjoying it; she looks forward to it every week. Her swimsuit on the wrong way around did look funny!

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  9. Your writing is aways thought provoking and eye opening.
    You've won my vote and I wish you very well tomorrow when voting closes.
    Look forward to reading more!
    Emma :-)

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    1. Thank you very much, that's really kind of you. And look forward to reading more of your blog too!

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  10. The anxiety and the triumph of both situations were juxtoposed so beautifully in this post! :) I personally detested every last swimming lesson I had, and the memory - sights and sounds are as clear in my head as the day it happened...the taste of the chlorinated water as it choked you, your will to overcome it and come back up to continue.. Poolsides are my sightseeing if I can help it :) Your desciption of the showe cubicles is going to stay with me. Beautiful, evocative writing! Pleasure to come on here, I think I say that everytime I do :) x

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    1. Thank you very much; learning to swim wasn't as much fun back in my day (feel so old just writing that), and I'm sure the chlorine was thicker in the water in the '70's! Thank you for coming over here and leaving such a lovely thoughtful comment :o). X.

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  11. I love the way you have written this. Hope you both enjoyed the lesson. Good luck with the BiBs.

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    1. Thank you very much.... she had a great lesson, always does, and thank you for your good luck with the BiBs.

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  12. We do always give our kids the thumbs up don't we...our job in life!"

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    1. Absolutely, regardless of what it is :o)..... my thumb is getting sore!

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  13. Your writing's moved me to tears this morning. LMC has just been going through a bit of a wobble with swimming and I've felt awful pushing her to still go for lessons every week. Last night though we finally got that breakthrough again where she actually smiled during her lesson. For the first time in about two months. I was sat there sobbing on the side smiling back at her.

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    1. And your comment has just moved me too. Well done you hanging in there with the swimming lessons; she's smiling now and has clearly turned an important corner - you so did the right thing in still taking her although it must have been horrid at the time. It's a really emotional moment when you see them safe and smiling - I'm not surprised you sobbed!

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  14. This is so evocative and moving - a big step for both of you, so well told. Well done, another beautifully written post x

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    1. Thank you very much.... swimming lessons are always a very big step, just relieved that Little A is enjoying hers so much! X

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  15. Well done to your little one, she sounds like a natural water baby, and I love the memories of your own first experiences of swimming as the voice in the background too... Love your writing! And good luck to you for the BiB's too! :) x

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    1. Thank you very much my dear! Very kind of you, and I've pocketed your good luck :o). I'm just very glad that so far she's really enjoying her lessons; she really likes the social aspect of it too. X

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  16. Oh this is just beautiful, it's funny how our children doing something brings back the memories of our having a similar experience isn't it! And well done to both of you for learning to swim!!

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    1. Thank you very much.... it certainly brought back memories of grotty municipal pools - learning to swim seems so much nicer these days!

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  17. Oh this is wonderful. I can so relate to it too, as my son who has spent years battling a water phobia, had his first school based swimming lesson this week. No individual one to one lesson with mummy just arms length away on the bench on the side but a class of 45 children and a teacher to pupil ratio of 1 to 8; coupled with me being 10 miles away. I spent all day alternating between my own horrid memories of school swim lessons and trying to picture him. Sorry I seem to have gone on a bit, but your beautiful writing really resonated. Thank you for capturing this. Lovely xx

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    1. How did he get on? Did he do okay? Did it help to soften his phobia? That must be very difficult having a phobia of water. I wonder if seeing the other kids and his friends in the water helped too? My swimming lessons were a far cry from what Little A now receives, and probably the reason why she's enjoying them so much. Thank you for your lovely comment. X

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  18. As usual, masterly! Mslexia has lots of writing competitions for women - you should get your stuff in (unless you already have). I think there's a memoir one on at the moment. Your descriptions of people are especially good - the bald man with the jaw as slack as a jumper on a washing line. Love it! I missed the Bibs vote as I've been away from the blogosphere for a couple of months trying to concentrate on other writing, but I would have voted for you, if it's any consolation! x

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    1. Thank you very much. Great tip.... I've heard of Mslexia, and I think I will start applying to writing competitions; I've been thinking of writing short stories (as well as the novel), it's what I want to concentrate more on now.... And I saw Mslexia has a competition on for memoir, I am tempted, but if I don't enter it, I reckon I am going to turn my once upon a time posts into book of some sorts anyway. And thank you for your vote ;o) ! X.

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  19. Such a clever comparison - a very controlled but unsettling jump between present and past. Love how little A is chatting away happily, getting gobfulls of water but not caring. And the rotten lungs of your old teacher against the deep breathing of the swimmer. Makes me want to dive in a pool! Twenty lengths is my perfect, too. If your name is not up there on Friday, there will be trouble! xx

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    1. Thank you very much... swimming lessons weren't as fun back in the day :o). Little A is loving her lessons; they teach them so differently these days and the teacher is in the water too! I think twenty lengths is a nice round number for swimming :o). And my laptop is shut on Friday; I can't bear to look *not holding my breath* X

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  20. Good for little A - sounds like she is doing really well. I'm so glad, I think it's really important that children learn to swim. I must say, this is a wonderful piece of writing. You're on fire right now! x

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    1. Thank you very much lovely; you're too kind :o). I am really pleased Little A is learning now too - such an important skill to get under your belt, the younger the better! X

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  21. Lovely post, Sarah. Love the comparison and the photo of your daughter. Look at that smile! :) xx

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    1. Thank you very much. She's gonna break hearts when she gets older! X

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